no story

In my life I only really loved just one man, but I wasn't good enought. Life is shit

Disppointed

Today I'm disappointed of myself. I'm lost in this world...with no goal, no motivation, no friends, and no straight to live my life anymore...alone. How could I arrive here?
I look in my past and I see me loving all the peoples around me, smiling, fighting to succeed.

Am I blind now or everything is black around me? I try to find the light, but I miss up every time. I'm capable of nothing, just crying as a baby..

Seems easier crying than fighting, being a coward, isn’t it?

You hope that tomorrow things will be different or that someone will help you doing your job, taking your responsibilities, giving his time, his straight and his love. The true is that every one of us has his challenges and is too busy to make his life more likeable and easier. None listen to you. Are we living in selfish world or we are just fed up hearing the others crying rather than taking their decisions and assuming?

In any case, I need to open my eyes and taking the life in my own hands. None will do it for me. But how can you explain that even if I know what is better, I still find excuses and wait for I don’t know what?

I'm disppointed of my self.

Sometimes I feel he loves me

...and sometimes not.
Sometimes I trust my dreams, and sometimes I know that there are JUST dreams...so far from reality.

Do you think that love makes peoples blinds and diforme the reality? How can we be soo happy or soo sad just because we think that the one we love has or hasn't filings for us ? Since when that person started to control our moon and our life. Who gives him this right? we definetly. We gave him this amazing power and now ...look at us!..so vulnerable, so poor that he take pity on us.

Waiting for tomorrow

Day after day I realize I hate my life and I hate myself. We make our choices, but maybe I haven't known to choose all my life. Where things go wrong...here I am. I would like one day to stop all that. I would like tomorrow never come for me, but I wake up disappointed every morning.
Why I was born? For who? I didn't ask it. Is life a test? If it is, I don't want to participate...or maybe I already felt the test.

Some people are doing great. They enjoy living, they think they're happy and they 're never alone...they share their days with someone loved. They deserve to live tomorrow.

Every day I kill myself slowly or I hope doing that....feeling people around me hate me as much as I hate myself. Days are too long...I'm a prisoner of my own person. If only is tomorrow that I'll not wake up...

Planning

This evening I decided to start working on my Business English books...

The answer of my last posted message

...it's all about stupidity

The model Luciana versus my normal person

?

When we decide if we are good enough for a man? What we have to do to be the only one that our man dreams? Firstly, is that possible?

I think that each of us has his charm and there is somewhere in this world a person for who we are the most beautiful women...the beauty of our body and the beauty of our mind are enough for stopping him dreaming about another women? Apparantly....no, there aren't There is always someone more attractive than us. How can we compete with a model? We can't...we just hope that she's inaccesible...but is that enough? Should we accept that we'll be allways inferior in the eyes of the same man? I don't know the answer. I don't know if it is about jalousie, selfconfidence or stupidity, but I know that it hurt me to be the normal women, that he doesn't dream.

After 5 days

Some people wonder if love really exists. I don’t know the answer, but I think people need hope, need to believe in a better life. My little person have known what we call love 4 years ago, with its happy and sad moments. When I felt rejected, I hardly dry my tears saying to me that maybe it wasn’t to be in this life…but in the next one; like I said: we need hope to go on. A great philosopher agreed that each of us has 7 lives and even if we meet our soul mate in every life, just in the last one we can share together our existence. Time passed and when I expect least to feel my heart beating again, I meet the man who turned the back at my feelings 4 years ago. I thought dreaming, but I hold my dream trying to convince me, that maybe this is my 7^th life.

…and this night, even if I know my days are empty without him, I’m wondering if my frequent presence doesn’t do his days too heavy. After 5 days, I feel I’m not good, beautiful and intelligent enough for him. He’s in love about another girl, another kind of girl…not me. I feel he wants someone better and his silence killing me slowly.

This night my thoughts are dark and hurt me; Am I just jealous like he said? I realize so quickly that was just a dream and I’m far away of living my 7^th life? Or love is not mane to make us happy?

This time, I’ll not cry. If things go wrong, I’ll accept my stupid little person, condition and mistakes, I’ll delete love of my poor vocabulary and I’ll spend the rest of my days without dreaming or hopping…but feeding other people dreams and waiting the end…because even if they’ll suffer also because of love, they’ll always remember the first few wonderful days it offered us…